'Berries in the Bahamas: How We spent our Honeymoon--Part III

The awe-inspiring Atlantis Hotel, located on Paradise Island, is a tourist attraction in its own right. The Bridge Suite, center, costs $25,000 per night and requires a four-night minimum stay. At the time, it was booked solid for four years.

Wednesday February 23, 2005: Landfall at Nassau

The Sovereign arrived at the island of Providence, home of the city of Nassau, once again in the early hours of the morning. Spanning 21 miles along the coast and seven miles back from it, hosting 60 percent of the entire Bahamian population, Nassau is a remnant of an English colony that gained its independence on July 10, 1973. Despite this, it retains many English customs, including a parliamentary government and traffic on the left side of the street.

Unlike Coco Cay, where the ship simply dropped anchor off the shore, this time she actually pulled into port. So when Jennifer and I went ashore, we had only to have our boarding passes scanned and we walked down the ramp from ship to earth.

100,000 Ways to Buy Coffee and Statues

The Bahamas is thoroughly addicted to cruise ships. After having most of their viable economic products undercut or produced more cheaply elsewhere, all they have left to market is their landscape and culture. As such, 40 percent of their economy comes from tourism. Not surprisingly, then, Nassau was basically a huge tourist trap, beginning with the big, gaudy yellow sign that said "Welcome to Nassau."

Jennifer and I walked through a small customs station, and entered some of their shore-side tourism markets. Although they had some neat crafts and such, we ultimately found that most of their durable goods were the same things over and over. Their little fish figurines, ocean pictures, shot glasses, coffee mugs, T-shirts, were all pretty much the same wherever we went.

The city front caters to the teeming crowds of cruise ships, with shop after shop of monotonous goods.

Their non-durable goods were a bit of a different story. They had several types of exotic teas, coffees and hot sauces, of which we did avail ourselves. One place had beautiful conch shell carvings of various creatures or tools and I fell in love with a conch spoon. Unfortunately, it came with a bowl I didn't want, but the merchant refused to sell me just the spoon. Their loss. Jennifer filled up on the coffee and teas.

We also kept our eyes open for potential Christmas gifts, and of course, we had to bring home a juicy souvenir for our friend Gena, who was diligently caring for our three kitties back home.

Stuff My Wife with the Green Lizard (nGURGLE!)

Walking around the streets of Nassau, keeping the hulking roof of the Sovereign in sight against the skyline (see the picture to the right!), we frequented several shops, most of them with similar inventory that didn't really interest us much. Ultimately, though, we stepped on the tail of the Green Lizard, a shop with a mix of different cultural paraphernalia. It was there that we found gifts and souvenirs for our friends back home. It was also where I found the item I really wanted: a good-sized map of the Caribbean. With our purchases in hand, we wanted to beat feet back to the ship for a quick lunch. You see, Jennifer and I had both booked an excursion tour before we left home, one that would give us three different tours of Nassau. It started in only 1.5 hours.

We got back to our cabin on the ship and I took my purchase from the box, I discovered, to my horror, that the proprietor of the Green Lizard had given me the wrong map! Instead of the highly professional looking map of the Caribbean that I had chosen, I had received a cartoonish looking, childlike drawing of just the Bahamas. Nope, didn't want that. Looked like vomit.

But now we were in a bit of a pickle...Jennifer wanted to get food, our tour would begin in only a few minutes and by the time we got back, the Green Lizard would probably be closed. Jennifer was willing to risk their still being open, but I became obsessed with fixing my purchase. So we swung by the Windjammer, Deck 11, for a quick buffet-style lunch. Under my constant merciless prodding, poor Jennifer had to gobble her lunch wrap and store it hamster-like in her cheeks for later chewing and tasting. We disembarked from the ship again and hotfooted back into the streets of Nassau, hoping we could relocate the Green Lizard. Fortunately, we did so, exchanged the map with little further hassle and got back to the excursion site in plenty of time.

Queen Victoria haughtily observes the Thornberries wandering the pink, cobbled streets of Nassau.

The Harbor Tour

The excursion was unquestionably the highlight of our tour of the Bahamas. Unbeknownst to us, it would actually have three separate components, each with a bit of information and wonders to impart.

With our relatively large group assembled, our SoS representative marched us all to the edge of the harbor, there to wait for the boat that would take us to the second branch of the excursion (we thought it was the first one at the time). While we waited, we beheld a small "taxi boat" sprayed like a van from the 1960s, that was being piloted by a Bahamian man with dual nipple rings. Jennifer cringed. ;)

Once our boat arrived and all of us piled aboard, it set out across the harbor, where we were unexpectedly given a tour of the landmarks that rolled lazily by in the sunny Bahamian day. Across the harbor from Nassau was another landmass known as Paradise Island, a prime piece of real estate much coveted by many Hollywood stars and other people with great means. We saw a boathouse that was used as a prop in the James Bond movie Thunderball (1965).

The 40-year old boathouse used in a James Bond movie.

The guide told us that Sean Connery spends time down in the Bahamas. Also located on Paradise Island were Oprah Winfrey's new house and guesthouse (still under construction), as well as the summer home of Chuck Norris (a.k.a., Walker, Texas...Bahamian!) As asides, we were barely able to see the homes of Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, but they were hard to pick out from our vantage on the boat. Perhaps the most visually stunning site was the Atlantis Hotel, a monument so extravagant that it even has its own tours. The bridge connecting its two towers is a suite that costs $25,000 per night, and one cannot rent it for less than four nights. Currently, it is booked solid for the next four years!

We All Live in a Semi-Submarine

The boat rendezvoused with the "semi-submarine," which to our surprise, ended up being a small ship that floated on the surface, but which had a keel below the waterline that was transparent. So we all went below deck, found seats and were able to stare out at the beauty of the Bahamian ocean from 15-30 feet beneath the waves. Think of it as an ocean safari. Everything was just as scintillating and colorful down below as it was above, with gentle, undulating green grasses and pale white sands. There was life aplenty, mostly in the form of several kinds of colorful fish, but we also saw sea cucumbers and acres of varying species of corral. The guide aboard the semi-submarine told us that they do feed the fish, which is why they weren't afraid of the boat. Eventually, we were able to see a single shark, about four feet long, lying on the ocean bottom, but it didn't stir. We were agog.

Beautiful Caribbean scenes 30 feet down on the ocean bottom, taken through the glass walls of the semi-submarine.

Finally, the semi-submarine tour, for all that it was lustrous and impressive, did come to an end. We re-boarded the harbor boat, which took us to a stop-off point for those of us who would go to the next phase of our Nassau excursion; the bus tour.

Paradise Lost--the Reality of the Bahamas

The semi-submarine was exhausting, so many people who had already paid for the bus tour chose not to take it. As a result, there were only six of us who climbed into the little van to be ferried around Nassau. As Jennifer stated, for $54 apiece, we were damn well going to get all of our money's worth, tired or not.

Of all branches of the excursion, this one was probably the most disappointing. The fact is that Nassau is a poor city, located in a poor country. Once one gets away from the glitz and glamor of the cruise ships and the main tourist strip, things deteriorate markedly. The homes are shabby, the streets cramped and crowded, the people vagrant-like and the desperation palpable. Still, we did learn much of Nassau's history and culture, and the color scheme of their buildings is truly unique. Lots of pale, pastel pinks, blues and greens. It was funny that the guide was telling us about the piety of the city...there are several thousand churches, approximately 40 on any block. One of the women on the tour assumed that they must therefore have a low crime rate. But the guide told her that it is actually higher there than in other countries. Like the world over, religiosity in the Bahamas does not translate into moral behavior.

Jennifer gives Thomas his second naked woman of the trip -- note the artwork on the towel.

We returned from Nassau's crowded streets to the ship, where we began preparation of another of Jennifer's goals: the ship's rich dining rooms.

Suits and Souffles

After showering to remove the accumulated grime of the day (including our heavy-strength sunblock), we got dandied up in our more formal wear. Then we polished off two to three shots of our Crown Royal, figuring we'd get a little bit of a buzz prior to going to dinner, so we wouldn't have to pay the exorbitant fee for drinks. Then we found our table in the Illusions Dining area, Deck 3. There was one other couple at the table, which we had dreaded, because we didn't want to have to interact with total strangers, but they seemed content to socialize amongst themselves, as did we. Dinner was a steak, dessert was soufflé, both delish. One thing about a cruise experience, you really do get fed well and the service is impeccable.

The Sovereign of The Seas Leaves Nassau-- Drifting Away

After dinner, we drifted around the ship, looking at the scenery outside. Now after sunset, Nassau glowed on the ocean, looking very impressive and opulent. Slowly, we watched it move out of view, as the Sovereign powered up her massive engines again and began to slowly leave port. You can get the view with this video, which is less than impressive, but it captures the mighty sound of the ship's engines:



For the Thornberries, it had been another filling day.


NEXT: A mixed bag during the "Fun Day at Sea."

Click for Part IV